i could use a good laugh
spelling bee moderator: contestant 142, your word is “fergalicious”
contestant: *looks around nervously* um… could i please have a definition?
moderator: *flips through dictionary* “fergalicious. definition: make them boys go loco.”
GODDAMIT MR NOODLE
Because apparently comics are too high-tech for most of you people.
"but white people-" "but straight people-" "but men-"
Fun fact: “member of a majority” doesn’t mean “racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, sexist, douchebag!”
Friend: Ill be there in 5 minutes are you ready?
I also put my toddlers jeans on my dog
"can we have pizza?"
"yeah sure just get it out the freezer"
r u ever scared to walk past a group of teenagers even though you are also a teenager
no one’s an atheist 30 seconds before an orgasm
OH MY FUCKING GOD
that’s the spirit